Two years ago (in 2007) I almost broke my leg on a skiing trip to Mt.Ruapahu with my family. I was skiing really fast down the ski slope and I went down lots of hills and I was beating my brother to the bottom and I just knew I would beat my brother and then I went on a ramp and did a trick and then just when I got to the bottom BANG!!!. When I got to the bottom of the slope I twisted my leg and hit my leg really hard on some ice and I was crying and my leg bleeding lots and I was crying lots and lots at the end of the mountain and my mum had to get my leg untwisted and get a bandage and a pack of plasters. I couldn't ski any more for that day and I had to have a sleep for the rest of the day on a table while my mum,dad,brother and sister went skiing for a bit. Then after that I had to go to the hospital to get checked up and after a few weeks I was better and had no broken leg any more.
Mr H - That sounds really painful! You've described a good sequence of events. I'd like to see some more detail at the start of your writing. What happened before you got to the bottom? What were you thinking and feeling? Create a really good picture in the readers head with your words. You also need to work on your sentences - too many ands and thens. Great photo!
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